Children's games

I've just watched this weird and wonderful French film "Jeux d'enfants" (literally "Children's games"), also known as "Love me if you dare". See the official film website http://www.paramountclassics.com/loveme/index2.html, which describes it as "part ultra-modern cartoon fairy-tale, part bold psychological probe into the games we play in life and love"

It's a crazy, almost Absurdist film, with strange leaps and twists and ambiguity in the storyline which doesn't always make sense. And characters whose behaviour and actions sometimes astound and boggle the mind—why the drastic decision? Why the deliberate cruelty? And yet, fundamentally I get it. I get the craziness and cruelty that come with love. The nonsensical inexplicable unstoppable violent actions and reactions that you have when you're being spun around in the thrilling dizzying maddening centrifuge that is love. You can end up doing what makes the least sense, what hurts the both of you just because it hurts him too.

Two crazy kids who start out playing a game of Dare, who found it so difficult to admit that they loved each other and were destined to be with each other. Instead, out of a sense of pride perhaps, or a twisted perversity, they progressively up the stakes on the game that serves to drive them further and more violently apart. Until they swing wildly out of orbit and somehow, as if exhausted by their denials, they come full circle and meet at the same point—all the rest of their lives a superfluous futile fight against their inexorable destiny, deeply emblazoned in stone tablets by blazing light at the beginning of time.

I get the get the absurdity of life. How you can go through the motions, sleepwalk through the routine of metro-boulot-dodo, live a whole alternate life, and bury the true life of the soul. Bury the impulses, the exhilarations, the breadth depth and dizzying heights of your childhood.

While the characters' selfish, disruptive actions are not something I would encourage in society, at the same time, there is an honesty about their selfish recklessness that is liberating.

You must have duck to hunt duck

Today, over dinner, I had one of the funniest conversations I've had in a while.

Dinner at work was myself with 4 other guys: a Spanish, a French, a German, and an Eastern European.

So I asked them for Their secret strategies or tips in the dating game. I just realised my comparative advantage : here I was, surrounded by guys at work—I had a wealth of information and resources for my tapping.

My trusty Espagnole said that OF COURSE you don't text back before at least the same amount of time has passed before he texts you. And, in fact, in the early stages of his Pitching, he would never text a girl more than twice a day. Later on, maybe four times a day, tops. After all, he wants to create some demand, says he. And it also depends on her response. If she texts quite frequently and quickly, he will increase the frequency and speed of his responses too. But if a project was in Execution phase, then of course different rules apply.

And then it became a free for all, as the guys shared their experiences which had less practical value for me, but was side-splitting and also fairly insightful.

Apparently, all agreed that it's crazy in London clubs, and English girls especially are crazy. They're always drunk and up for a good time—you can very easily kiss them in London clubs, whereas on the continent, it never happens that you get to kiss a girl in a club. And on the rare occasion it happens, it's usually more serious and you go out after. All the boys (Spanish, French, German) were nodding in violent agreement.

And girls here, they say, have a habit of going out in an all-girls group. But, I say, that's cool, that makes sense. If you're going out on the pull, you don't want to bring guys along to cramp your style. It's easier to have fun with just girls. And the guys were laughing: Oh no, hey, WE'RE not complaining.

And I cracked up.

But here the Spanish boy jumped in with his classic statement (to paraphrase): "You must have duck to hunt duck". Apparently it's a spanish saying. And when he and his Spanish guy friends go out, they usually bring along a really fit (beautiful) chilled out female friend of theirs to be their duck, and they even call her "duck".

The strategy is: if other girls see a really beautiful duck talking to you, they think: hey he's probably a nice guy... and boom, you become more desirable in your eyes.

The French boy is grinning and practically bobbing with excitement as he jumps in: Yeah.. especially in France, if you are speaking with a beautiful girl, other girls will think: "Eh putain, maybe this guy is nice, or rich, or there's something really good about him, otherwise why would a beautiful girl be talking to him?" And they may even approach you.

The German boy says that yeah, he finds his sister very useful. Whenever they go clubbing, she finds girls, chats to them, then say: "Hey, I want you to meet my brother"

And they shared stories:
- the Espagnole about his friend whose strategy was to meet a girl, say a couple of sentences to her, then start (very aggressively) going in for the kill by saying things like: I want to kiss you and so on

- the Français about how one friend is always chatting up girls, even if the girl is in a group of girl friends and none of the group has shown any interest or looked over at their group (he apparently prefers to chat up girls when they has at least been some indication of interest)

- the Français about how he seems to have more success when he talks less and say really boring conventional things like: Oh that's what you do, how nice.. this is what I do. And when he talks more, and makes jokes, he almost invariably flops and his friends are like: what a waste

- and they talk about the pressure of wondering what your friends will think as they see you make your moves. how the girl has to be of an acceptable standard. here, one of them said that his friend is completely indiscriminate: he can get it on with a beautiful girl one night, then just as easily get it on with a dog the very next night

- would they go out with a girl who has a tattoo (no), piercing (yes)

- and apparently they have double standards too... some girls are to have fun with if you're bored and she's bored. And London clubs are great for that, they agree, rather too enthusiastically, with too knowing a smile and gleam in their eyes. They say London is ABOUND with such opportunities. But girls they will be serious with, ahh.. that's a different matter. They want proper elegant girls.

It's funny thinking that these crazy animals (I say this with the greatest affection of course) too have their quaint, old-fashioned side. Fun is fun, and single life, they say, is SOOOOOO incredibly fun, especially in London. But when they get a girlfriend, if they actually get together with a girl, then obviously they're serious about her and obviously that's different. They say this in an almost shocked, very matter-of-course, of-course-the-sun-rises-in-the-East, an almost how-dare-you-say-God-does-not-exist fashion when I even suggest that the fun can go on even if they have a girlfriend, if they're not very serious about her and she's long distance. And no, they say, long distance is the worst, it's so difficult. They say this with real feeling, with furrowed brows, and I am once more surprised at how sweet these boys can be.

Which is why I was telling my friend that, in the past, I used to think Asian guys were more faithful/loyal/dependable. And I would give them bonus points for that (relative to Europeans), but with time, I realise that it's all the same really. Some Asian guys can be real dogs/players, and some Europeans can be surprisingly traditional/family-oriented.

But basically, it was a crazy funny dinner and it gave me an insight to how boys think, how the clubbing/dating scene in London is. And I suspect I am really rather Too sheltered.